The night before my appointment, I was restless. I spent most of the night tossing and turning, only managing to get a couple hours of sleep. Six thirty in the morning, my alarm sounded and it was time to get up. I got out of bed and started to get ready for my appointment. I turned my music on and got in the shower, although I couldn’t tell you what was playing. My thoughts seemed to be louder than the music and no matter how hard I tried to not think about all the possibilities, it didn’t help. 

The ride to the hospital seemed to last forever. When we arrived, we pulled into the parking garage closest to the cancer center. Since Covid is still around, we had to get a screening before we were able to enter the garage. After my daughter and I finished with our screening, we were given guest passes and allowed to proceed with parking the car. 

This time around we knew exactly where to go so we didn’t have to walk to the other side of the hospital looking for the right department. Once we made it to the reception desk, I waited to be called and my daughter went to find us some seats while I checked in. The receptionist had me verify some information, then I was set to go. I took a seat next to my daughter and waited to be called to the back to get my imaging done. 

A couple minutes passed and I heard my name being called from a door to the far left of the waiting room. I gathered my things but left the car keys with my daughter in case she wanted to go somewhere while I was getting my imaging done. I followed the lady to a room where she handed me a key to a locker and gave me a top to change into. When I finished changing, I made my way to the seating area and sat down. Before I could even get comfortable seated, a lady came from around the corner and said they were ready for me. When I got into the imaging room, the technician made sure she had the right person by asking a few questions, then proceeded to explain to me what I should expect with the testing that day. 

I thought it would be the same as it was the week prior, boy was I wrong. They used a completely different machine this time around and applied more pressure with every different angle. I was definitely going to be sore after this go round.

Once the technician was done taking all of the imaging that was ordered, I was led back to the second waiting room. There were two older ladies already sitting and waiting for their results and talking amongst each other. I was on my phone texting my sister and keeping her updated with the process. One of the ladies was called to the back a few minutes later and the one that remained looked over at me and said she hated the waiting and the not knowing. We talked about our experience for a couple of minutes until she was eventually called to the back to get her results. 

As I sat there alone with my thoughts, I wondered what they were seeing. Would it be bad news? Why is it taking them so long? I hope they don't find anything. I hope they say that I don't need the ultrasound. 

I had to get out of my head, so I called my friend to take my mind off of it and try to make the time go by faster. I talked for a few minutes then I was called to the back and taken into a different room from before. I walked in and sat down in the chair by the door. The room was dark and was filled with machines. There was a gentleman wearing scrubs that was already in the room when I walked in. He introduced himself as a doctor, and stated that he would be going over my results with me. I braced myself for the worst but hoped for the best. As the doctor began to talk I felt a weight lift off my shoulders. The left side was clear, the right side had a cluster but he didn’t think it was cancerous. He said that I didn’t need an ultrasound that day but he wanted me to come back in six months for a recheck to make sure everything looked okay and didn’t grow any. 

While I felt some relief, I still wasn’t done. I would have to go back in six months and wonder that whole time, if it was growing or not. I was already doing a detox and changed the things I was eating, but I decided I would extend it. If it was cancerous, I didn’t want to give it anything that it could use to feed from. I would continue with my clean eating, supplements, and teas for several more months.